No disrespect to those who actually come out of the closet but this is what I imagine it feels like to be trapped without people knowing who you are or what is really going on with you. Why post about something so personal G? Good question. I debated that myself for awhile. In an age where anything and everything gets put on the interweb I thought I would add some depth to it AND ya I wanted you guys to see the awesome picture of me and da boo boo. ( Special thank you to Courtney Bauraschi for the shots YOU ARE THE BOMB). Back to business.
My intention for this post was yes, to be seen and heard. It is my hope that my story can inspire you to keep going or help you somehow along your way. Maybe not, maybe you haven't even made it this far in the post, so be it! A few years ago I became very depressed. Like really depressed. I didn't feel like I had a mission or a purpose anymore. OR that I had somehow failed. It didn't take long to realize that all of the emotions I had neglected when my parents passed had finally come to be seen. This post isn't about them though. It's about coming out of the Spiritual closet. ( I'm coining that phrase) It's about finding the courage to communicate my vulnerability to hopefully inspire others to do the same. On a few occasions I even thought about taking my own life. It is such a taboo subject but I'm going to eliminate that right now. Seriously, it is taboo for no reason. My life's work has been finding the best solution to this problem and it's actually quite simple. Talk. Yep, just talk about it. My mind created this horrible nightmare to scare me away from talking about it but when I did I was relieved. Severely. This is all traditional therapy is in case you were wondering. Trust me I've been going for a few years. It is simply the ability to talk about what you're feeling without anybody judging you or telling you you're disabled. Though sometimes even they tell you something is wrong with you. I wouldn't listen to that. Your mind has the ability to accept it's own reality, even if it is illusion. I think the truth to some extent is that everyone faces these kind of thoughts and feelings.
I can't get out. I'm stuck. I will never be ok.
The reason they gain so much power is because I/we are too afraid to talk about it, which DOUBLES the anxiety.
I get that G but just HOW do I talk about it? Great question imaginary reader friend.
1) Check in with your body. How do you feel?
2) Use the term I feel to communicate how you're feeling. If you use the phrase...' You make me feel or you made me feel'. You're giving your power away and blaming somebody else for your feelings. Don't do that.
3) When you use the ' I feel' phrase watch how the power of the anxiety gets diminished. After all, communicating your vulnerability leads to your invulnerability.
So, if you are feeling this way I encourage you NOW to speak up to a friend or loved one or a random person on the street. Or start by writing about it ( like me :) Because it is possible to get out and find the light again.
That is what I found in all of this. My personal commitment to myself, my lovely girlfriend Allie,( whom I've talked to extensively about this THANK YOU) and to you the reader is the TRUTH. Are you ready for the TRUTH. The TRUTH is... well shit I don't know what the TRUTH is but I guarantee it couldn't hurt to talk about it.
Love you,
G